In Which Peter Spoons a Squirrel
by lovelyapper
Summary: July, 1979. Lily and the boys are off to a short Muggle camping trip. Why? Who knows - but Lily has to wipe on a tit magazine, Peter sleeps next to a squirrel, and James loses 20 Galleons because of the most ridiculous bet ever. And if someone was to ask Remus, drinking Firewhiskey with Sirius triggered nothing major. / Post-Hogwarts Marauders. No deatheaters. T for bad language.


**A/N:** This served as an excellent distraction from my never-ending misery with the Foolproof Potter System bonus chapter (but now that this is finished, I need to get back to it *sobs*). I wanted to write something for my dear **lowi** – she's truly the greatest person ever, and she appreciates this sort of idiocy. Detta är för dig!

**Disclaimer:** These guys are not mine. Obviously.

**Warnings:** Cussing, implied sexual interaction (het, slash), alcohol – the works. No deatheaters. English is not my first language.

**Beta:** lowi. Cheers to TheWalnutQueen for pointing out some minor mistakes.

* * *

"Only the essentials," Lily reminded with a motherly smile as she watched her fiancé and his best friend hover around the empty backpacks. She gave James a wink. "And good luck."

James nodded at her, giving her his best you-can-trust-me-babe grin in response. "Thank you, darling."

"_Thank you, darling_? Ugh," Sirius grunted whilst thoughtfully rolling his eyes at them. Within seconds from that, he had gently grabbed Lily by her shoulders and was already guiding her towards the door of the bedroom. "Okay, lady. Leave your old man and me alone to do what you want us to do, and scamper back to the kitchen where you are needed."

"Don't do that," James carefully whispered to him, all the while smiling adoringly at Lily, who was staring at Sirius with a rather amused expression on her face. "She doesn't like that. That's sexist."

"No, it's not," Sirius told him as soon as he had stopped walking. He threw James a knowing look. "Because before she came here, she was in the kitchen." Sirius turned back to Lily who was still staring at him. "I'm serious. Go, or Remus makes a basketful of jam sandwiches and laughs at the rest of us while we starve to death in the middle of the woods."

* * *

"You sure this thing won't blow up?"

Daring not to groan in Sirius' direction, Lily ran a hand over her face once more and muttered to Remus next to her, "Please make him shut up."

James was stuffing their bags into the car boot at the same time as the others were trying to convince Sirius that no, the Muggle car was not going to blow up, it's fine, _are you an actual idiot, Sirius_?

Quickly offering Lily a soothing smile Remus moved briskly behind Sirius, who was staring inside the car window, and calmly pressed his hand between his shoulder blades. Giving the man a slight push towards the open car door Remus lowly muttered to his ear, "Get in the car."

"What? Only me?" Sirius squealed as he tossed his cigarette on the ground. He blew out the smoke from his lungs, asking, "Is this a conspiracy?"

"I'm right behind you," Remus breathed rather close to his neck, and, by walking over it, he stumped Sirius' cigarette.

Groaning soulfully as if his life was on the line, Sirius stooped and pushed himself inside the car. "Shit, this thing is so fucking small. I'm not even going to fit in."

"There's nothing wrong with the car," Lily told him and handed James the last bag from the ground next to the car. "It's bigger on the inside."

"Wha..." Sirius howled as soon as he had lowered his arse on the velvet seating. He was staring at the interior. "Lupin, come and see this! Quickly now!"

Trying to move as quickly as possible to make Sirius shut up, Remus tumbled inside the car.

"Make haste, man!"

Remus sat next to him, and turned to him expectantly, his hands between his legs. "I'm here. What?"

Sirius swung his arm around Remus' shoulders fingers grabbing his upper arm, and breathed close to him whilst gesturing towards the interior of the car, "Now, look at this incredible fashion in which we fit in this tiny Muggle carriage..."

Hugging his pillow, Peter stared at them through the window. "I don't want to sit there. Sirius looks as though he's drunk again."

"Too bad," James said as he locked the boot, after which he tossed the keys to Lily over the car and made his way to the front seat. He shrugged as an apology to Peter. "I called shotgun the second we knew we'd be using a Muggle car."

"If they start touching each other," Peter moaned as he squeezed inside the car, "You better lend me that shotgun. My wand can't do enough damage."

Remus frowned at Peter as he sat down on the backseat next to him. "Why would we touch each other?"

"I _really_ don't care to know," Peter mumbled to him and placed the pillow on his lap.

James turned to his right and saw Lily, who was already banging her head against the steering wheel. He smiled at her. "Now, now, love. The trip is only just beginning. We have a few more hours of this."

"I know. That's why I want to kill myself _now_."

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

Lily sighed tiredly, but turned her sulk into a smile as she tried to eye Sirius behind her via the rear-view mirror. She looked like she was about to say something she had said thousand times already. "No, but we are closer."

"I don't understand," Sirius griped, glancing at Remus beside him, but talking to everyone. "Why didn't we fly, or I don't know – use Apparition? That'd have been much faster. I mean, did we get those licenses for nothing? I worked my arse off to get mine!"

Smiling to himself as he worked out his Rubik's cube, Remus said, "No you didn't."

"This is way more fun," James concurred from the front seat over Sirius' whining. "Also not all of us can Apparate."

"I could have used my broom," Peter mumbled as he tried to keep his eyes from Sirius' petting fingers on Remus' thigh. He took a glimpse at the werewolf's face, and saw him still smiling. Peter grimaced. "It's not like this is _that_ much fun."

"Quit whinging," Sirius muttered to him over Remus. "I'm having fun, you're having fun. We're all having fun, so shut up."

"I am not having fun," Peter said to him and tore his eyes off them to stare out the window.

Remus lowered the cube on his lap, and frowned at Peter. "You're not?"

"Not in the least."

Sirius tittered from Remus' other side, "You want to have fun?"

Without realising he basically was going to be teased, Peter turned to them and shrugged. "Sure."

As a friendly gesture, Remus offered the cube to him. Peter stuck his tongue out.

"Tedious."

"You want something more stimulating, then? All right, watch this," Sirius sniggered, moved towards Peter, but halted and kissed Remus sloppily on the lips.

Peter started booming and pushing Remus away from him, only making the brief kiss last longer. "That is not funny, you fucking knobbers! See? I am not laughing! Do you see me laughing? Lily, stop the car!"

Leaving Remus' lips, Sirius _was_ laughing as he returned to sit against the backrest.

Clearing his throat next to him, Remus was not.

* * *

"Not really what I had in mind," Peter complained from between Sirius and Remus once Lily curved off the stopover.

Muttering something under her breath about a budding backseat massacre, Lily had made Remus (he didn't like to argue) move away from Sirius and make room for Peter by pointing her wand at all three of them. Naturally, James had tried to calm her down, but as a result he had also gotten the tip of the aforementioned wand pointed straight at his nose and he had no choice than to leave his friends at the mercy of his future wife.

The said future wife had smiled exuberantly at the blokes in the backseat and had reasoned quite thoroughly _why_ exactly Remus shouldn't be sitting next to Sirius.

Being mature and all that, Sirius had of course given her the one finger salute whilst Remus had tried to convince her that she was absolutely wrong – her arguments were idiotic to say the least, where the hell had they even come from?

As usual, their attitudes were completely ignored.

"I don't like this, not one bit," Sirius mumbled as he shoved Peter's arm away from him. He tried to crane his neck to see Remus better. "Move the melon, Pete."

"Stop pushing me, all right? Shove those skeletal fingers elsewhere!"

Remus sighed tiredly and leaned his head against the window on his left. He said to the trees greeting him from outside, "Quit fighting."

"No!" Sirius shouted as he whacked Peter in his shoulder like he was a fly. "It's my right to express myself on how much this fucking sucks! This is horseshite right here!"

"Oh shut up," Peter said and pushed Sirius' hands away from him. "No one wants to see you touching anyone, and _I_ especially don't want you to touch me, so just sit there all by yourself and be quiet!"

Lily pointed out from the driver's seat, "Please don't touch yourself, though?"

"I'm lovable!" Sirius told Peter and munificently pointed at Remus. "So is he! Yeah? We're your friends! Don't you get it, you dumbarse, it was just a bloody joke! I'm not really kissing him! Why would I kiss him? What's the _fucking_ problem here, Pete?"

"You we're doing it right in front of me! Of course I have a problem with it!"

"Who the fuck told you who had to watch! Close your eyes!"

Almost without a voice Remus said, "Sirius, please don't hit him."

Of course Sirius heard it. He growled back, "But he's so frigging annoying!"

"You're annoying, pushing on me like that!" With spit flying Peter shouted to his face, "Now, stop it! Sod off!"

"I'd be more gladly pushing on _him_, but you arsehat took his place! Change back!"

"Sirius!" Remus yelled and tried to stop Sirius slapping Peter by slapping Sirius over Peter.

James lifted his bare feet on the glove compartment and smiled sideways to Lily on his right. "You know, if we survive this, it's safe to say we're ready for children."

"If we survive this," Lily said while keeping her eyes on the road but swatting his feet away nevertheless. "We're ready for the bloody apocalypse."

* * *

"Hell no," Peter grumbled again as he heard the sleeping arrangements. "I am _not_ sleeping in the same tent as Sirius. Didn't you see how he slapped me the entire time? It'll be a nightmare!"

The destination of their trip was rather close to Lily's grandparents' summer cottage; she had parked the car in a half dried meadow approximately a mile from the hut, in a place where trees hugged the grass but didn't cover the sky, and where they were hidden from the world around them but weren't blind to their surroundings.

Just like Hogwarts.

Why didn't they use the cottage, you wonder? In detail, Lily didn't want her grandparents' residence blown to absolute pieces – lookahead like that was obligatory when spending time with all four of them at the same time.

Lily sighed dolefully at Peter whilst she took the bag James was handing her from the boot. She put it on the ground next to her feet. "We only have two tents, and ours is too small for three. I'm sorry."

"Make it bigger!"

"No," James said to him with a strict yet apologetic expression. "I'm sorry, Pete, but –"

"Fine, I don't care," Peter mumbled and hugged his pillow. "I'll sleep in a tree if I must."

"Good! Sleep in a tree!" Sirius hollered from where he and Remus were already building their tent. He swung his wand in the air. "I didn't want you in the same tent with us anyway! You reek like a frigging henhouse!"

Peter shouted back, "That's very mature of you! You smoke, and you're grabby when you're pissed!"

"Come to think of it, Peter, I think it's for the best if you don't share the tent with us," Remus said loudly as he crouched at the tent bag to search for some metal pipes.

Squinting doubtfully, Sirius took the cigarette from between his lips. When Remus stood up with the pipes he had found in the bag and turned to smile at Sirius, Black smirked lewdly back. "What're you getting at, Lupin? You _want_ to be alone with me?"

Still beaming at him, Remus shook his head. "Think about it. It's rather dangerous to have him there. If he's even near the tent when you need to smoke, the whole thing explodes – and personally, I don't have a death wish, so."

"Oh, thanks, Moony!" Peter shrieked as he started to walk towards them from the car. "Because yeah, that's exactly how bloody gassy I am, right! Fuck off, the both of you!"

"Actually you are," James told him and handed Lily the last bag before pulling the boot close. He locked it, and said to Peter who had turned back at him. "How many times did we have to pull over just because all _five_ of us couldn't breathe?"

* * *

"Babe, toss me the bag with the loo paper."

Sirius laughed at her as he lounged on the grass in front of his tent. He took a cigarette from between his lips, and exhaled the smoke, throwing the stub on the ground. "Going in a bush, Evans?"

With an amiable smile Lily said, "If you prefer I'd use your shoe as a toilet, then no."

James handed her the essentials bag she requested – but as soon as Lily had opened it and searched it through, she turned back to James. "Droll. Now, pass me the right one."

"...That was it."

"No, it's not," Lily said and showed him the opened bag. Gesturing grandly, she said, "There's no bog paper in this one."

"What?" James asked and took the bag back from her. He searched it through as if she hadn't done a proper job at it. "There's no loo paper." The volume of his voice grew vastly. "Sirius, why's there no loo paper?"

Sirius shrugged whilst he indifferently watched Remus crawl out of the tent and stump the cigarette that was still smoking on the grass. Absolutely not did he stare at how the man started to change his shirt. To James he said, "You told me to pack the essentials."

"The loo paper was in the same pile as the other essentials!"

"I thought it to be a waste of space since no one really uses it. We're going home tomorrow anyway."

Lily flailed her arms. "What?"

"So, the loo paper was unessential enough not to bring?" James asked, pulling out a magazine from the bag. "But _Nude Witches -78_ was not?"

"Hey, I need that," Sirius firmly said and sat up. "You know, for..." He did a dirty hand gesture.

Lily smiled to him as she stepped towards James. She swiftly snatched the magazine from him, kindly telling everyone, "Well, I'm going to transform it into loo paper, so you can just wank off thinking of Peter for all I care."

"Please don't," Peter mumbled to himself, his face buried deep in the grass behind Sirius.

"What? No! Lily, he doesn't work!"

James yelled at her over Sirius' moaning, "You can't tear that, that's min–"

Suspiciously, Lily eyed him from head to toe.

"I mean..." James started. "That's... _not_ mine? Rip it, woman!"

As Sirius gently hollered obscenities at her, Lily tore a few pages from the magazine and transformed them into white paper. The rest of the magazine she tossed on the ground, next to the bag in which they had found it.

"That stays there. I need it for later." She eyed the paper and turned to walk to the nearby woods. "Let's just hope the magic holds. I don't want to wipe into any nipples..."

Remus tucked his shirt in his trousers as he nonchalantly picked up the magazine from the ground. James turned his whole being to Sirius, and to the onlookers he seemed he was to boil over. "You really had to do that? You know how it makes me look if I have imbeciles for friends!"

Sirius joined in the roaring. "Oh, she knows that! Has known for like, what, 8 years? It's not like it's any news!"

"Can you not be drunk for five minutes?" James yelled. "Please!"

Now standing up, Sirius bellowed back, "I am not drunk!"

Remus stared at the centrefold picture. "Aren't you?"

"No!" Sirius shouted as he stepped towards him. "And quit looking at that, will you!"

Remus made a face when Sirius snatched the magazine from him. "You were going to stare at that with your cock in your hand, why can't I study it in daylight? You are being unfair."

"Because if you stare at this now, the only thing I am going to be able to think with my cock in my hand is _you_!"

A rather charged silence fell on the meadow as the three men stared at Sirius clenching his jaw.

James coughed. "Yeah, uh, firewood?"

"And a sleeping place," Peter told himself as he scrambled up from the ground. "Yeah, need that immediately... for, you know... measuring."

As the others scampered quickly away from them, Remus stayed still where he was and stared at Sirius with a suppliant expression. "Please don't use me as a wankfodder."

Sirius promised nothing.

* * *

After they had already finished one Firewhiskey bottle, Peter had left to sleep in the ultimate better bunk which he obviously had found earlier that day, and Lily and James were snogging next to the fire they had conjured in the middle of their small camping area. Not wanting to sit on the ground, Remus had hauled a log close to the fire from the nearby woods, and was happily sitting on it – Sirius, on his part, had his arse again on the ground, in front of Remus, legs crossed from the ankles and head leaning leisurely against the man's crotch.

Sirius watched James munch on Lily's neck, and huffing at the sight he took a swig from the newly opened bottle. He leaned his head more closely on Remus' thigh and grumbled, "Just look at them. They're _so_ in love." He took another mouthful, and exhaled heavily after swallowing the liquid. "It's disgusting."

As they watched James roll over on the grass and with greedy hands pull Lily on top of him, Remus smiled to the back of Sirius' head. "I don't think so."

"When's the last time you snogged someone like that?"

Remus frowned. "Sorry?"

"Snogged," Sirius repeated and tilted his head backwards to see Remus' eyes above him. "Like it felt you were running out of air? You know, a real passionate _cataglottis_. Not leading to shagging, or anything, just a bit of the classical tongue-hockey." He stopped watching Lupin, turning his head back ahead. Eyes now on the fire, he continued, "And I don't mean any Sunday kissing here – I mean the real thing when you were certain you were about to come in your pants just because you got osculated properly."

A smile plastered on his lips, Remus shook his head faintly and snatched the bottle from Sirius' hands. He took a drink from it and said, "It's been a while."

"Seriously?"

"You're going to mock me when I tell you."

Sirius shook his head as he intently stared at the blaze. "I won't, I promise."

Watching that slightly moving black clump of hair in front of him, Remus kept smiling to himself. "You laughed at me when I told you how I lost my virginity."

Sirius leaned deeper into Remus' crotch. "Wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing at Janis. I mean... it was _Janis_. Come on. You were sniggering yourself."

"Janis... She was exceptionally irritating," Remus reminisced and took another swig. "How on Earth did you remember her?"

Sirius purred something against the thigh, and with his lids drooping half-close, he watched how Remus' toes wiggled against the green grass. "So, the snogging? When was it?"

"About four months ago," Remus told him truthfully after thinking about it a bit.

"Four months?" Sirius perked up again. "What? But... you dated Sybil until two weeks ago. Was it her?"

Remus chuckled. "It was you."

Suddenly very still, Sirius asked again, "What?"

"At my 19th birthday party, last March?" Remus requested and watched Sirius' remarkably uncertain shoulders. "Don't you remember?"

Sirius frowned to the ground as he said, "...No?"

"Then I suppose I drank less, for I remember the whole thing rather clearly."

"Huh." Sirius' fingers played reflexively with Remus' trouser leg. "Was it nice?"

"Yes, it was," Remus said, frowning slightly to himself and staring into the fire. "Quite passionate, actually. You bruised my lip."

"It was from that?" Sirius tilted his head backwards to see him. "So when I asked you about it in the morning, you lied to me?"

Feebly shaking his head, Remus laughed genially. "Did you really think I walked into a table? Honestly."

Sirius puffed to himself as he watched James carry a cackling Lily into their tent after hollering _goodnights_ to them. Sirius grabbed the bottle from the ground where Remus had lowered it a moment ago, and took a long sip from it. After the bottle left his lips, he grimaced exaggeratedly. "Well, now I'm furious."

"Why?" Remus questioned Sirius' hair. He nodded towards James, whose back was still visible in their tent door. "Because of them?"

"No. I'm angry you remember something nice that I don't."

"Well," Remus began, and without thinking he slowly buried his fingertips into Sirius' hair – and giving his scalp a hurried rub he leisurely moved his hands to the tip of his newly cut shorter hair, and careful not to hurt he tugged them downwards, forcing Sirius' face to tilt with the movement. After taking in the view, Remus leaned down and pressed a light kiss on the faintly red nose. When he was inches away from Sirius again, Remus smiled to him. "How's that for reimbursement?"

He let go off Sirius' hair and took the bottle from him. Sirius grinned as his face again was where it was supposed to be. He lifted his middle finger to feel his nose. "Cheers. Snout liked it."

"Tell him I share the opinion," Remus sniggered, sitting back straight and bringing the bottle to his mouth.

"But... my kisser is awfully jealous now."

Remus pulled a face because of the liquid. "Is it?"

Moving a bit to his side, Sirius gestured to Remus to sit on the ground next to him, and with the bottle still in his hands Remus slowly slid off the log. After leaning his back on the wood, he watched as Sirius scooted closer to him, yet he missed the incongruously long stare the man gave to his lips, still gleaming because of the liquor.

As Remus turned his eyes away from him, Sirius saw sideways how they warily focused on the slightly perceptible crescent on the summer sky, and he couldn't help but witness how hopeless Remus suddenly seemed. Albeit the man did very little with his facial muscles, his whole expression was able to change depending on the object he was looking at, and in the moonlight Sirius observed that even the slightest of frowns appeared to make Remus ten years older than he actually was.

He smiled to himself and quickly strove to draw Remus' attention from the growing moon to himself by softly stroking his leg, and as soon as Remus was looking at him instead of his immediate future, Sirius lifted one light finger to point in the same direction the man had been staring a second ago. "See that?" he asked, aiming his fingertip towards the moon. "Don't worry, it is right there."

Remus nodded as his eyes fell on his knees. "I know."

"No, no," Sirius rectified, scooting even closer to him and softly tilting Remus' head with his hand from under his jaw, his thumb brushing the outline of Remus' lower lip – his other hand unintentionally travelled behind the guy, fingers playing with his belt loops and the outline of his back pockets. Sirius fixed his eyes on the quizzical face next to him. "Right beside it?"

As told, Remus gave the sky another look, and he squinted like it helped him to see better. Few seconds later, he inhaled sharply, and his head might have very well been on a spring for that fast he turned back to Sirius with another questioning expression. He breathed, "Is that...?"

"The brightest star in the night sky," Sirius told him, flashing Remus his most earnest and amiable smile whilst he finally let go off his jaw.

Hurriedly tearing his eyes off Sirius' beaming face and back to the firmament, Remus stared at the barely visible odd couple, and with a feeble smile on his lips he asked, "Has it ever been that close to the moon before?"

Shaking his head and keeping his eyes steady on Remus' profile, Sirius whispered back, "I don't think so."

The smile gradually widened on Remus' face, and he turned back to Sirius. He looked like his young, enthused self again. "It's like it's worried, the moon, so the star is comforting it," he said slowly, his eyes wandering from Sirius' attentively staring pale grey eyes to his slightly opened lips. Staying quiet for a moment, he just watched Sirius gazing back, and then he continued softly, "I suppose it's always like that."

Sirius noiselessly lifted his arse up from the ground, never leaving Remus' eyes as he did, and swiftly with a few moves, he straddled the man's thighs. He watched as Remus frowned at him. "Maybe it's..."

Yet he didn't continue that any further, for he just carefully tugged Remus closer by his polo shirt collar, letting his other hand flit to rest placidly on his rough cheek. Once they were close enough literally to share the hanging air between them, and as their lips audaciously hovered on each other, Remus thoughtfully parted his, staying otherwise frozen where he was, waiting Sirius to continue what he had started. Sirius comprehended he was without a question so nigh he was able to smell the faint scent of the whiskey originating from the alluring mouth before him, and it only made him want to taste it, too – from that exact source.

"I'm the last person you snogged that zealously?" Sirius exhaled against Remus' lips, his hand still grabbing the man's neckline, and one of his fingers shyly writing secret language on the prickly skin of his throat. "Please, don't lie to me."

His nose needily grazed the side of Sirius', and Remus closed his eyes in passing as he gingerly shook his head. "My... most recent kiss is yours, also."

"In the car?" Sirius briefly supposed as he did his utmost to move a bit away from him. He fixed his eyes on the extraordinary way the fire flickered on Remus' lower lip, sporadically covering it with a golden gleam, and making it shockingly inviting. He blinked. "Then I guess yours is mine as well."

Remus waitingly licked his lips as he whirred something inaudible to him, and that small noise combined to his oddly euphoric expression was too much for Sirius – without really thinking things any further, he decided to release the paining tightness from his shoulders by letting his muscles do what they wanted, which evidently was to lean slowly forwards.

As he got there, he stayed on Remus' lower lip for a moment without actually doing anything and only letting in the strange feeling of how Remus felt against him. He was like everyone else yet no one Sirius had actually had before, he was like melting sugar mixed with inflexible rock salt, he was the deepest of oceans and the thinnest air – Remus was _strangely familiar_.

Sirius hazily chuckled against him.

After sluggishly apprehending he was yet again straining himself from really doing it, he proceeded to scrape his teeth on the lip lightly as his hands felt how Remus' shirt hem fitted in his palms. Running his tongue on the lip, he briefly moved to the corner of the mouth and planted a peck on it, letting his hand fall from Remus' face to his lap, waiting, as if to tell him _that was it_, that is all he was going to do if Remus did nothing in return.

Remus did.

He quickly brought his hands up to cup Sirius' jaw, anxiously bringing him back to where he was a second ago, and kissing him heartily back. Sirius didn't mind the least when Remus pried his mouth more open and moved his tongue against his, thoughtfully at first, but insisting more as Sirius determinedly moved in closer until his groin pressed against Remus' belt buckle and it was impossible for him to be any nearer.

Sirius was absolutely able to decipher Remus' natural taste behind the sour flavour of the burning alcohol the man still had on his tongue, but how Sirius managed that was beyond him. Somehow, he still delightedly welcomed the peculiar sensation against his palate, against his own famished tongue, making his mouth thoroughly taste like the core of Remus, instead of that sickening ashy taste Sirius himself always supported.

Thank god the alcohol he had drank had covered most of the taste of the cigarettes, for he did not want their first proper, _conscious_ kiss result in Remus vomiting all over him.

Trying his best not to moan when Remus suddenly clicked his teeth against his, Black again grabbed his face between his hands and made them look like both of them were forcing each other into the kiss. Yet, Sirius moved his hands to Remus' neck, softly pulling him closer whilst his mouth made sure he stayed still – if Remus were to jerk away suddenly, Sirius would have tugged him right back and had took what he, mysteriously enough, thought to be his.

Fortunately, Remus did nothing of the sort.

He slowly tried to sit up from his place, keeping their lips together and keenly wanting to tip Sirius on the ground and climb on top of him, but naturally Sirius didn't halt from his dictating position. He gently bit Remus' lower lip whilst he tilted the man's head backwards as his way of telling Remus to forget it.

Within seconds Lupin accepted his fate, and continued happily without trying anything again.

At first, it had seemed from the way his brows had been tightly knit together in a typical mannerism of his that he had been hurting, but the longer they touched and the lower Sirius' hands slid on his sides, the more Remus' expression softened, resembling something closer to exhilaration rather than pain. His jaw had stopped clenching in a forced fashion and had yielded to give room for a more natural movement – the rhythm of his tongue.

As Sirius' fingertips sluggishly requested a consent to slither under Remus' shirt, both of them were certainly expecting how Remus was to react to that; however, the slight whimper Sirius swallowed from him was the only answer either of them was going to get. The unspoken yet already answered question died between their lips as Remus made his every effort to kiss Sirius even more avidly.

The effervescent spark that indeed was Sirius filled Remus ubiquitously, spreading from the tip of his tongue to his spine and everywhere thence, making each cell of his body _Sirius,_ and leaving Remus to want more of him as he held him captive inside.

However, the kiss was not all they necessitated.

Reluctantly leaving Remus' lips for air, Sirius grazed his lower lip once again with his teeth, pulling it with him as he moved further. Once he opened his eyes at the feeling of Remus finally being gone, Sirius took an eyeful of him, and watched Remus smile ecstatically at him as if saying _Good job, again, mister_. Sirius failed to grasp until Remus brought his hands to rest on his lower back that albeit the kiss had ended, they were still so close to each other they were practically embracing against the log.

"How strange," Sirius said and leaned closer to nuzzle his face into the fabric of Remus' t-shirt, exhaling peacefully and inhaling the light scent emitting from the man's shoulder.

Sighing as he tilted his head so he cocooned Sirius in his shoulder, Remus murmured, "Surely more unusual things have happened."

Sirius tried to blink the unfamiliar, fuzzy feeling away. Lips brushing on Remus' shoulder bone, he muttered, "I'd say this is the oddest thing that has ever happened, _ever_, in the history of odd things."

"It has nice ring to it," Remus admitted, chuckling lightly against the back of Sirius' head and stroking his lower back. "I don't mind strange."

"Of course you don't." As his fingertips happily travelled on the waistband of Remus' trousers, Sirius laughed sincerely against his shoulder. "You're a strange-magnet, Lupin. You pull bizarre things towards you. You're like the fire to weird, outlandish moths."

Remus moved Sirius' face in front of his and smiled at him, saying, "That is probably why you are crushing my legs at the moment."

"No," Sirius chortled to his face in return. "That's because I'm quite fond of you."

With an unusually enthralled expression, Remus whispered, "You are?"

"Yeah," Sirius began as he calculatingly stared at Remus' lips. "And... Did you know that some people base their relations on that kind of affection?"

"They do?" Remus asked, closing his eyes as he felt how Sirius' warm hands made their way upwards on his scarred back. "Thank god we are not like that."

"Stupid people, really," Sirius said, moving again and pressing his forehead on the one below him. He swallowed heavily whilst closing his eyes as well. "Reputedly... a lover is someone you desire the second you wake up in the morning, that they're the person you wish to fall asleep next to, because every waking minute without them is an absolute horror." He traced his fingertips upwards on the line of Remus' spine as he spoke. "You know, the one person you are comfortable with showing your weaknesses, fears and biggest secrets, because you know they won't judge you the least because of them. They know you are not perfect, but to them you are just that." He opened his eyes, and took in the sight of Remus' eyelashes beneath him. "Have any of your girlfriends been like that?"

Blindly fumbling for Sirius' lips, Remus whispered, "No..."

Sirius brushed Remus' hair behind his ear. "Also people call their lovers good-looking. I'm fine, yeah?"

"Ridiculously understated," Remus sniggered as he failed to engage Sirius' into another kiss. He opened his eyes, and Sirius perceived the fire having moved from Remus' lips to them, making them appear golden rather than the shade of hazel they usually were. As their mutual gaze didn't again falter the slightest, Remus shook his head. "You are more attractive than some of my girlfriends."

"I think so too." Sirius laughed wholeheartedly and moved his hands to grasp Remus' shirtfront, fingers instinctively popping the green buttons. "I might be more beautiful than any of my own girlfriends."

"They must have felt awful, waking up next to you," Remus said, letting his hands wander from Sirius' back to his stomach. "How does a half-dead and featherless loon feel next to a graceful swan?"

"Hmm," Sirius cleverly answered him, staring at his face from close proximity. "You're not so bad yourself. I like this bit especially," he mumbled as he drew a lazy circle around Remus' face. "It's extraordinarily eye-catching."

Remus beamed at him. "Compliments get you everywhere," he sang and reached for the bottle on the ground next to them – but before his fingers had even touched the glass surface, Sirius had snatched them in his hand. Intertwining them in his own, he shook his head at Remus' curious face.

As he steadily brought their joined hands to Remus' lap and he began to hunt down the man's lips once again, Sirius droned, "I'd like us to remember this in the morning."

* * *

James had never actually appreciated hangover mornings.

This one in particular seemed extremely horrifying because he was held captive in a headachingly loony zoo.

He opened his eyes as soon as the alarming yelling from outside his tent turned into a proper roaring fest.

"_I just spent my fucking night spooning a squirrel! Cut me some slack, will you!_"

"_Don't holler at me! I didn't tell you to spoon a fucking squirrel!"_

"_It spooned me! I was a rat! What can a rat do to a squirrel? It was fucking huge! I tried to leave but it dragged my arse back in!"_

Careful not to upset his aching head, James tried cautiously to rub his eyes, wipe Lily's hair from his mouth and yawn at the same time, but he only ended up looking like he was having a spasm attack whilst holding his still sleeping fiancée.

"_Why the hell were you a rat? What happened to the pillow?"_

"_At the end of the day I thought the smaller I was the less likely I was to be eaten alive! A rat that uses a pillow? Are you and idiot? That exposes me to bloodthirsty bears!"_

"_You were a fucking rat in the middle of the woods thinking it increases your chances of survival? Who's the idiot here? It's not me!"_

"Why do they keep yelling?" Lily suddenly muttered against James' clavicle, pressing her eyes tightly shut and trying to keep the demonic hollering out of her head. "Are they hurting, because they sound like they are?"

"_Just... stop, all right? I don't want to see this! And... Ew, that's disgusting!"_

"_Then sod off, you dripping tosspot! I don't want to see you either this early in the morning!"_

"No, they're just a bunch of twats," James told her as he finally got her hair out of his mouth. He petted her waist. "You know, twats filled with folly and arsehattery, and coated with handful of sprinkles flavoured how-to-annoy-your-friends-to-death."

His ears caught a distinct murmur coming from the other tent, after which Peter again groaned, "_Oh my god! Thank you for that!_"

"_You're fucking welcome! Now scram!"_

Lily managed to stifle a yawn. "Are they going to be like that when –"

"Definitely not," James immediately interrupted her, brushing her hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead. He pecked his way down until his lips met the tip of her nose. "Don't worry. I promise; I'll hex them myself if they are."

"Thank you," Lily murmured as she craned her neck and pressed a light kiss on his lips, running her hand on his cheek. "That's very nice of you."

"I'm always nice."

Smiling sleepily at him, Lily said, "Nice five o'clock shadow you've got there at least, and so early in the morning."

"Maybe I'll please my girl and grow it out. You know, a proper bushy beard –"

Instantly Lily shook her head. "No."

"I have four weeks to grow it, don't you remember?" James waggled his eyebrows. "I might look like Dumbledore as it flourishes –"

"Don't you dare," Lily laughed as she stroked his chest. "I won't have you looking like an old man in our wedding pictures!"

James propped himself on his hands and loomed over her. With his ring finger he drew symbols on her chest; circles and spirals and something that resembled the letters L.P. Grinning slightly menacingly at her, he asked, "And what are you going to do about it, you fragile, little flower?"

Smiling adoringly back, Lily brought a hand to feel his stubble again. "I might go midnight-barber on your cute arse. I will cut your hair as well – if you _ever_ call me fragile again."

* * *

Lily stirred a pancake batter with her wand as she watched Remus smile elatedly at the jam sandwich he was eating. Turning her eyes off the man who was sitting on the very same log he had sat the previous night, she said, "You have that look on your face, you know."

"No, I don't," Remus stated without questioning that _what smile_. Yet, he tried not to smile.

The pan hovered towards the fire as Lily flicked her wand at it. "It's obvious."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Remus said, practically tittering at her and looking like he knew very well what she was on about. He took another bite from his half-eaten sandwich whilst keeping his eyes on her back.

"Aha. Can I ask you question, then?" Lily asked him as she poured some of the ready batter on the hissing pan. As Remus nodded as a response, she smirked over her shoulder. "Answer me honestly. When's the last time you had sex?"

Remus looked as innocent as it was possible for him as he accidentally inhaled his bite. After getting some air on his lungs instead of his jammy breakfast, he cleared his throat and croaked, "A true gentleman never tells."

"So last night?"

"Fine. Two weeks ago," Remus told her whilst wiping his mouth on a napkin she had made from the tit magazine. "With my then-girlfriend Sybil, who broke up with me afterwards. And before you say anything, no, I wasn't _that_ bad."

Lily left the pancake to cook and turned to face him. "I want to know the real answer now."

Slightly frowning, Remus said, "I just told you."

"Right," Lily muttered, giving her attention to the breakfast again. She saw James and Peter coming out from the woods nearby, and yelled over the fire, "Babe! You owe me twenty Galleons!"

"No way," James hollered back, and turned to the tent of which door Sirius' toes stuck out. "Sirius, you horndog!"

Lily turned back to Remus, who was staring at her and clearly wanted to know what was going on. He asked, "What was that?"

"Oh, just an old, on-going bet between James and I," Lily waved her hand at him and got back to her cooking. She turned the pancake around. "We made it back in 1977, I think? Yes. It was even before we started dating, and I remember my words like it was yesterday. I hollered at him, _Marriage? I reckon you'll find Sirius and Remus fucking each other before we are ever going to be married_. He laughed at my face, but we made the bet nevertheless."

Remus frowned. "Your wedding is within a month."

"Yes it is, and last night was before that," Lily said, and then pursed his lips as he again eyed James who was gathering their tent with Peter. "I'm happy he was so persistent on the whole dating thing. Yet... It was our mutual decision to keep the wedding not until in August, and now _I've_ won the bet!"

"But..." Remus eyed her and said carefully, "We didn't have sex."

"Yes you did," Lily corrected as she watched him. "Your face is – you know, that thing right there – it's unable to lie. It's the muscles, Remus; you've never been able to control them well enough to be as good of a liar as they are."

"Stupid face," Remus muttered under his breath, after which he again told her, "Look, I didn't do anything. We didn't have –"

"_Lupin, get your arse back in the tent, or I'm going to have to punish you!_"

Whilst he was trying to keep still under Lily's smirk, Remus' eye twitched vigorously at everything. He looked oddly apologetic as he tried, "...We didn't do anything?"

The smirk only grew wider on Lily's face. "I thank you with a grateful heart for taking this grand opportunity of shagging your friend – otherwise I'd be down twenty Galleons!" When Remus was merely shaking his head at her as he stood up to make his way to the tent, Lily suddenly took him by his shirtfront and pulled his face lower, inches from hers. She turned her killer face on, hissing, "But if you two _dare_ to pull anything like that on my wedding day, if you have any intentions on having bum sex on _my_ wedding cake – I will hunt you down, and I will destroy you."

Nodding feebly at her, Remus looked like he was about to have a serious heart attack.

"All right?" She smiled sunnily at him, letting go and soothing out his shirt. She turned back to the breakfast, and started indistinctly singing something about best friends, leaving Remus desperately gasp for air.

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

Sighing, Lily turned her eyes to the rear-view mirror for the hundredth time. She smiled gaily at the reflection. "Not yet."

"Brilliant," Peter said back and tried to keep his eyes off Sirius, who was sitting between him and Remus, making his every effort to look like he was sleeping on top of Lupin. His right leg was atween Remus' knees, and his right arm Sirius had flung over Remus' shoulders while his head leaned against the backseat. Peter grunted at them, "No bloke does that with another man. Could you please stop?"

"No," Sirius said as he kept his eyes closed and smiled contently at the car ceiling. "I'm barely touching him."

"Yeah, with your tongue!" Peter hissed at him. "It's not far from it, though."

Sirius opened his eyes and squinted at Peter. "You want us to kiss, then?"

Peter shivered exaggeratedly. "Please don't. This morning is still burned on my retina."

"Serves you right," Black muttered as he turned his eyes on Remus. "Barging in like that..."

"Look, I got the third one," Remus suddenly said to Sirius, showing him the finished sides of his Rubik's cube. He smiled happily. "I've orange, red _and_ green."

"Brilliant." Sirius nodded at him and returned to leaning against the seat. "If you get the blue one as well, I'll snog you as a reward."

"Gross," Peter mumbled and continued by imitating Sirius with a high-pitched voice, "_I'm barely touching him_, yeah right. Yet I'm forced to watch the Casanovas of Hogwarts currently flirt with each other like they have nothing better to do."

"I don't think I was a ladies' man," Remus said as he concentrated on clicking the cube. His tongue stuck out slightly from the corner of his mouth. "I was just friendly."

"Oh, you were friendly all right," Peter reassured him. "It was real friendly of you, taking all their skirts off. You had every single hot brainiac who didn't want anything to do with this guy, for they thought him to be just too fucking stupid."

"You're the one to talk, arse-for-brains," Sirius snarled at him, opening an eye. "Besides, smart birds didn't think I was stupid. They usually told me they appreciated my different viewpoint on life, but they didn't want to share it."

"That's right. So, Peter, please don't call him stupid like that," Lily suddenly said from the driver's seat. Taking a quick look at sleeping James next to her, she continued, "I think Sirius is an utter genius."

"I am?" Sirius asked her. Then he leaned back to the seat. "Yes, I am. Cheers milady."

"Yes; you managed to break Remus' pattern of having only brainboxes," Lily told him whilst keeping her eyes on the road. "It takes a lot of manpower to change a bloke that radically."

Remus chortled at his cube, Peter grunted at the window next to him, and Sirius squinted at the back of Lily's red head. "You're calling me genius yet I'm still stupid? Classic."

"You _are_ a genius," Remus said to him whilst keeping his eyes on the colourful plastic. He clicked one side and lowered it on his lap. His eyes met Sirius'. "Don't think otherwise."

"Don't mess with me, Lupin," Sirius said with a low voice. "You know what happens when you do that."

Remus smiled amiably at him. "I am rather serious. You are tremendously resourceful and competent; in fact, you are the best I've ever... seen in action."

Peter snorted. "Yeah, right. Why have I never seen this miracle of him being a genius, then?"

Turning to him, Sirius smirked wickedly at his expecting face. "Idiot. Clearly it happens in the middle of the night and between the sheets."

Peter stared at him grimly and said, "I'm completely horrified to even think what that means."

Remus ogled at his cube again. "Nothing major."

Huffing over Black, Peter told him, "Sirius' bare arse greeting me in the morning from the tent door says otherwise. Obviously you two were touching cocks."

Lily's warm chuckle died under the sound of Remus clearing his throat. He blinked manically. "It wasn't like that," he said quietly with slightly red cheeks.

"Yeah." Sirius tilted his head backwards, and feigning a serious tone he continued, "It was more or less heavy petting with a brief moment of penetration rather than cock-touching." Still leaning on the backrest, he took a glimpse of Remus' red ears, and witnessed how he was trying to inspect the cube with all his might. Sirius tried not to laugh as he turned his eyes once again on Peter. "But we did that as well."

With a grimace on his face Peter asked, "Am I seriously the only one who has absolutely no idea what the fuck turned these bird-loving imbeciles into each other? Honestly!"

"I think it's nice," Lily said so quietly it seemed she was talking to herself.

Sirius turned his head so it was easier for him to watch Remus. "Wrong girlfriends, perhaps?"

"Girlfriends, exactly!" Peter hollered, accidentally waking up James in front of him. "Are you two serious? What man turns to blokes after tens of girlfriends? That doesn't make any sense! You two are absolutely mental!"

Sirius watched as Remus suddenly showed him the Rubik's cube, presenting the four finished sides of it. Sirius grinned widely at the blue one. "We are insane."


End file.
